cover this shit
mercoledì, aprile 28, 2004
weary
another dreary day in school today. must be pms-ing or smth, was feeling damn frustrated for no particular reason, tho i gs i didn't show it, so i didn't harm anyone in the process. =p i keep my emotions pretty well in check. but tht's kinda sad ain't it? Like why the hell do i do tht for? *shrug* maybe cos i absolutely hate it when pple take others for their punching bags. Like, your friends don't deserve such shit fr. you. Heh, just as long as they listen when i whine (occasionally), =grin= i'm fine.
"I'm acquiring extremely mixed feelings regarding many issues. Smiling is easy, merely working your facial muscles to express what others expect you to show, but to let the smile reach the eyes is another issue altogether. I'd rather have a ready smile on hand in response to matters that hurt, feigning indifference to veneer a fragile surface on the verge of shattering to reveal the broken pieces within, than to go through all that hassle of explaining why. It might be mere self-indulgence on my part, to wallow in the muddy depths of pity and sorrow - admittedly, being depressed by choice can be rather satisfying in certain sadistic ways..."
i'm just.... a lil confused now. haix.
2 more days to cantab. well apart fr. the last minute-nes of the other details, i think soundwise, everything's coming along pretty fine. i have absolute faith in us, and in ms lim. I know i was more hyper than usual dr choir today, maybe cos, my voice is back. yay. or maybe, i was glad to divert my attention fully to smth else. well, succeeded for a lil while, thn it was *bang*, back to tht bottomless pit agn. Feel as tho i'm stuck in this rut tht i can't seem to climb out of. It's been a year plus already, but i've nvr been able to completely shake this nagging feeling off. The sense of..... unfulfilment? Not even sure what i'm unsatisfied with, but i am. Thn agn maybe i already have the answer, i'm just in denial. And with that, apathy sinks in. I'm beyond caring abt anything else, except stuff/pple tht truly matter to me. How narrow-minded and myopic.
Sheesh. i've got to learn to count my blessings. and depend on myself. I like the feeling of knowing tht no matter wad, you'd always be there for me. Truly am thankful. but ultimately, it's me tht'll pull myself through rite? Think everyone indulges me too much, lol. am becoming so spoilt. Just get a lil scared when pple care so much, cos i don't ever want to be the one who'll let them dwn?
So i gs all i can do is wrk harder, remain positive, and be tht dependable, happy-go-lucky ray of sunshine *rolls eyes* everyone seems to think i am. Though lately, i think i'm closer to freezing pt, yikes.
grin.
oh well. my ramblings. feeling slightly better now.... writing clears my mind.
Gemstar blogged on 4/28/2004 12:20:00 AM
sabato, aprile 24, 2004
lovely mood
Aftr failing 2 get well on my own for the past few days, i decided to start my course of antibiotics. Hmm. It's working. =)
Never liked taking too much medicine. it's bad, and obviously if u can get well without it, all the better. oh well, i need to recover asap.
practice didn't go too well today, our conductor was upset because of negative externalities. gosh, lotsa last minute turbulence to the programme. =cross fingers= hopefully, everything will turn out fine in the end. my jnrs are really lovable, heh. all of them were so concerned abt me, felt as tho they're the older ones caring for lil me. =) yep, i've been sitting in for practices lately, cos i can't sing. nevertheless, i tried today la. wasn't very promising... but no worries, i'll definitely be fine by the nxt pract. Glad, really feel this sense of belonging, to my section esp. Unity only comes when weathering tough times together, no? i mean, considering half the time, she's always unhappy with how we sound. *smile* alto power! like wad candice used to say. I like how i feel so close to each and everyone of them.
celebrated the 2 js' b'days today. how cute. heh, hoped they enjoyed themselves. it's always nice to feel special on your birthday. =) it's pretty amusing really, cos there was acty an intricate plan thought up on how we'd try to surprise thm with the cake. Like, jy and hc will be on standby... and becks wld switch off the lights, and shan wld start playing happy b'day on the piano. Due to unforseen circumstances, oh well, we ended up outside lt 5, lighting the candles of the cake on the floor. -grin- And we were treated to a glimpse of someone's impressive cake-cutting skills. lol.
thn after that we met up in orchard @ 3. Well, supposedly 3. But i think by the time everyone arrived it was abt 4. Due to past experiences, i took my time today. was acty in the midst of my nap when xw called, thn bear, informing me abt the change in plans. haa. well they wanted to dress-up 2 go out today, so most headed home 2 change. only bad thing was, i think jaime waited for close to 45 mins. Poor dear, and she was so sweet abt it. Lol, and shaun was like yay, i paid back my debt. ahem. i think even the most patient of pple also have their limits, shld nvr try to over-step the boundaries.
was feeling taller than usual today cos i was wearing my boots... *gosh* didn't know i cld still fit in thm. think i haven't worn them in 5 yrs or smth. haa. sadly, the heel went *piak* and the entire sole came off os ps. so i bought a new pair of black sparkly strappy slip-ons. thk gdness, ps was there, i mean wad if it broke in some ulu place. i'd be hobbling abt! pretty timely, don't have any decent looking footwear for formal occasions anw... so tadaa!
went to the glass hse fish and co 2 eat. took lotsa photos. complimentary chocolate brownie+ice-cream for both bear and jaime! was pretty enjoyable. fun trying out the alcoholic cocktails and stuff. like, most of us are legal! save for xw and shaun. (awwww......) lc was totally red aftr that!!
now, wldn't it be nice tht many yrs dwn the rd, we'll still be doing this? somehow, i am certain we will. *smilez*
Gemstar blogged on 4/24/2004 10:21:00 PM
giovedì, aprile 22, 2004
sob
my voice is gone, agn =/
dammit.
really frustrated now. it's like when i try to sing the higher notes, all tht comes out is air, no sound. tht's downright disgusting as for the lower notes, really nasal. the best thing is, my throat doesn't even feel sore anymore... so why's the voice not coming back???
on the bright side, being almost mute has its perks. for one, immunity fr. being called during lectures and classes. -grin- i was supposed to present smth for gp today, and i escaped fr. it. thn dr bio, ms cross acty called my name during lecture today! *doing* tht's the 2nd time she's done it. memorable student, ain't i? haix. thx to her, everyone knows i've got no voice. and you know wad's even better? they start asking me in tht half-bemused/concerned manner, "u really no voice arh." and i can only croak in reply. (hey. maybe the only song i can sing is the frog one, lol)
oh. i was really drooling @ el's hokkien mee today. damn. i almost forgot abt all the gd food i hafta give a miss cos of my current situation. =/
concert's in a wk's time... i'm really looking forward to it! whee. time to get presents... *ponders* thinks i shall go to the distributor's and get some pretty flowers. thn some handmade thing to go alg with thm. =laughs= i've always had this mentality, snrs give.. while jnrs receive. Yup, still keeping the stuff my rgchoir snrs gave dr. concerts. =) it's like mommentos of every major performance. really special. somehow, nj doesn't have this tradition leh. oh well, i guess a span of 2 yrs is too short for traditions. Isn't it amazing how time just condenses everything into a blurred, hazy nevertheless beautiful memory...
Gemstar blogged on 4/22/2004 07:34:00 PM
mercoledì, aprile 21, 2004
tralala
yay i got my voice back, i got my voice back! i still sound a lil muffled tho.
i think i hardly spoke the entire of today, save for some raspy mumblings.
haa. think i was sulking too, cos i cldn't sing properly.
nvr knew i wore my moods so obviously on my face.
or maybe those who bother to notice will notice la..
oh well, shall go slp. tired. need my rest.
Gemstar blogged on 4/21/2004 11:13:00 PM
martedì, aprile 20, 2004
The worst thing you can do is to feel sorry for yourself when u're sick.
=) mmf, spent the entire day drifting in and out of sleep, fighting those invisible monsters.
At least the fever's broken, and i'm now fully awake. Felt as tho there was some grey fog pressing dwn on my head before that, was damn groggy.
*cough cough* my voice now's pretty low. don't dare to speak le. =/ received qte a few sms-es in btw, i think abt tmr's hw. -_-" aiyo. really hope 2 get my voice back soon. Meanwhile, drowning myself with lotsa water, fruits and herbal tea.
Gemstar blogged on 4/20/2004 06:59:00 PM
domenica, aprile 18, 2004
brace youRselvEs
bleah, tough week ahead.. if i don't remember wrongly, mon, tues, wed, fri, and sat will be taken up by choiR.
hmm. looks as tho i'm set to start playing catching with my wrk agn.
*takes a deep breath* here we go...
ahmah's 70th
celebrated her b'day today.. warh the lil boy monsters are getting naughtier each time i see them. they're cute, yea.. but totally rude and bratty. the lil girl, yujun's sweet. ha... refused 2 bathe, thn only agreed to it after she dragged me upstairs with her. the best thing was, =passes small towel over= "help me hold, i finish bathing u pass 2 me k." *doing* Oh yeah, she came down looking all slpy today... thn when her mum came back fr. her run sometime later..." girl, did u switch off the aircon?" thn she was like " no..." and i was wagging my finger and gg "horrrrr.........." at her, thn she gave this indignant look and said, " i cannot reach la!" =laughs= tht was damn funny. she's really capable for a lil girl... my grandma's personal telephone operator. " call auntie and ask her 2 come dwn for dinner.." she proceeds to dial the phone. and she actually remembers the phone no. !!!!!!!! like wow. i wonder wad i was doing @ her age. And she knows how to "lock" and "unlock" my phone, even my mum has no idea how to do tht. heh, she's no angel either tho, damn cheeky @ times. Kids these days. or maybe lil girls these days. =grin= cos those 2 lil boys are really terrors.
haa. when we took the family photos just now, shan placed a flower each slightly nxt to daryl's and lenny's hair. warh, i cldn't help laughing. =D they didn't even notice. i can't wait to see the photos.
it was gd food, fun, laughter and noise whilst all of us crowded into the tv rm watching the nkf charity show.
years fly by... watching the adults around me "fill up", w strands of white hair appearing. watching my cousins proceed fr. fr. lil tykes in pre-school, to not-so-lil in pri school, to tall and gangly in sec school... and i'll be out of jc soon ! my grandparents haven't changed much, tho they're not as robust as they used to be.
really gotta cherish the ties we share while we're still together.
Gemstar blogged on 4/18/2004 11:21:00 PM
ViVe
i truly enjoyed dance night.. =)
am soooo proud of kel and xm !!
u 2 really shone on stage today.
It's like, i've seen how kel gave her all to dance, literally. danced and danced till she fell sick, not to mention the hundred million details tht she had to oversee... yet she went on. that was a job well done girl.
xm... saw the other side of u on stage today. heh, hottttt eh? cld tell u really enjoyed urself up there. *smilez*got josh to try help take photos of ya, but they still turned out blur. oops.
felt all the hard wrk- sweat, tears, blood poured into the performance.
And u know what, tht feeling of elation aftr putting up a show is indescribable.
this girl watching the show can't phrase her entire experience in words either, which explains the short entry. ;)
Gemstar blogged on 4/18/2004 12:57:00 AM
sabato, aprile 17, 2004
dotdotdot
school's all dreary, choir's getting dreary. or maybe it's me. i feel myself turning into stone. lol, as i was telling honseng the other day... i'm stoned, but i'm a purple stone! which explains my nick la, ametheyst. Kinda withdrew into myself lately, don't feel like talking much. hope i'll be out of this phase soon. truly, just so tired of everything. and when i space out, i really space out. like i'm in my own lil world or something. i'm somewhere beyond waking, between dreams and subconcious thoughts... find myself getting more and more impatient. and restless. and and... haix.
kk, now for a lil update on wad's gg on in my life. choir's in the midst of prep for cantab (nxt fri), it's memorizing songs songs and yet more songs now. -_- tensions gg sky high, our conductor wasn't too happy, when she realized tht we didn't meet her deadlines yesterday. even the normally friendly/cheery chung raised his voice at the yr1s!! *doing* tht's really my first time witnessing him being so pissed.
Yupz. but she was in a better mood today. and when she's happy, we're happy too i guess. I hope tht translated into better singing quality? *shrug* when i'm all tensed up, i can't sing at all. it's a mad rush for everything now, and we're really way behind time.... so many things left undone, no wonder the comm's all stressed out. poor shan's lost her voice. oh well, hang in there everyone.
oh aftr lunch @ far east... been ages since i last ate chicken rice there since the rg daYs! looked round abit. acty, i got qte bored of the place in a lil while. grin. come to think of it, nth seems to interest me these days, other than ice-cream.
Oh ! on the way back hme on the bus, sat behind this really cute guy. Haa, was expecting him 2 board b4 me (since he was a lil front of me) before we got onto the bus but he waited 4 me 2 go 1st. =) Best thing was when he sat dwn, i thought i'd only get a backview of his head, end of story. but he kinda turned 2 face me for a lil while.... think his legs too long, not too comfortable. but who sits like tht anw! =laughs= and you know wad, i closed my eyes and pretended to zzzz. Like wad am i supposed to do la! The idea of looking into the eyes of a total stranger is ermmm.. Tho for tht brief instant of eye contact, i did notice tht they were a lovely green*zzaaap*!!!!!!! =D ah well. he made my day. (*doing* is this xm's influence or wad.)
gg dance nite later !! maybe another update tonight. tata.
Gemstar blogged on 4/17/2004 04:25:00 PM
domenica, aprile 11, 2004
tell u wad's on my minD
Am listening to joss stone's Fell in Love with A Boy. She's this 16yr old with a really mature voice, which is kinda impressive. Her style's a mix of SouL and R&B... not my normal taste in songs, but it kinda grows on u. Some songs, just grow on you... You resist it initially, but find tht you grow to love it the more you listen to it. Apply the same principle to situations around you. =) it's like how your 1st impressions of pple change once you've got 2 really know tht person. =laughs= u either like thm more, or.... can't stand being arnd them (which justifies ur initial judgement)
We are all afraid of the unfamiliar. It really is quite difficult to step out, once you've established your comfort zone. I truly have no idea where i'm heading. Received this brochure of IUB (international university of bremen) via mail... Sounds like smth leeting will definitely be interested in. Integrated social and cognitive psychology sounds interesting, integrated social sciences too (political sci, sociology, mass comm, econs) ... as well as a whole range of other engineering/science (research) programmes.. *shrug* i've always wanted to study overseas. Disillusioned, cos it seems as tho it's not possible anymore? Maybe i'm just afraid... afraid 2 take disappointment, lazy to go thru all tht hassle of details, so i've kinda stopped trying long ago. =laughs= thing is, how wld i know if i've never tried? oh well. catch 22 situation here.
Family issues
Like bleah, it's been a looong time i since went out with my family. Was qte fun intially, realized i haven't talked to my parents, as in really talk for a very long time. Tho they can't stop nagging abt my results, and tht kinda spoilt dinner. =/ papa claims he doesn't give me pressure, but u know i still feel it. They have high expectations of me, i know that. Blah, all tht talk abt how it's a waste cos i have the potential but i don't use it. It stings because, i know they're right.
hmm. It was supposed to be an early birthday celebration for my sis. dinner was gd, went 2 ssc. They had bollywood nite @ the ballroom t'day, lol. Was pretty cool, i cld see lotsa lotsa black, white, silver balloons helium balloons left floating outside the entrance. (i love balloons!!!) Thn watched couples dance the waltz, line dance, chacha,salsa near the pool... Hmm. They were mostly old folks and it was pretty heart-warming watching them. They looked great doing it, they were enjoying themselves, and they're truly living life to the fullest! And yea, i think they can dance better thn me. =D Haa.. looks really funn. maybe i'll go learn aftr As... There's smth charming abt guys who know how to lead the ladies.
aftr tht we went to suntec. Thn somehow the entire outing was spoilt... over a silly matter summore. Anyway, mum was pissed, dad was pissed, sista was upset. And you know, i was the 1 caught in the eye of the storm. (totally unaffected, and i swear this time i'm totally innocent.) Dad's conclusion was tht we were damn difficult to please, and tht he wasn't ever gg to take us out agn. bahh. I dunnoe wad is it tht they're so upset abt anyway, it's like such a small matter.... so we went home. =/ oh well.
i conclude: my friends are the ones who keep me sane.
and here's a HapPy bIrThDay to HuiShAn =laughs= she was so kewt, posing for the cameraS.
Gemstar blogged on 4/11/2004 01:18:00 AM
venerdì, aprile 09, 2004
The Passion of Christ
just got back home not so long ago aftr watching the movie. "Compelling", wld be the word i'd use to describe it.
Didn't really understand the beginning until el explained it to me, i gs one really needs a lil background knowledge to really appreciate what's gg on. For me, i felt as tho the pieces of the puzzle had been put in place. cos tho i'm a non-christian, i used to tag alg with my childhood buddies to events org. by their church. *smiles* those were the days manz.. Like, i even "chap" in on their church camp la!
hmm. let's just say, u've gotta let the show speak for itself. The gory scenes had me covering my face with my fingers ala horror movie style, but as jaime puts it "it's gory in a moving way." I feel tht the movie is such tht it allowed the christians to renew and strengthen their faith, while letting us non-believers have a lil insight as to what christianity is abt.
Today seems to be meet ur pri-schl franz day or smth. Pretty embarassing, cos they were the ones who recognized me and they even remembered my name! But i was like...erm erm .... "i'm sry, i forgot ur name." *doing* Met elizabeth who was my pri2 classmate and el's church friend... and Yuwei, her current classmate who was also my pri school classmate fr p4 onwards... ARG. I found them vaguely familiar, but just cldn't recall their names. Lagging. =/ Maybe chris is rite, i still look lyk who i was back thn, didn't change much. =grin= it was till yuwei said hi, thn i remembered tht i used to call him tweety and joel, sylvester back thn. -laughs- maybe tht's y i'm so memorable la, prob 'traumatized' him back thn. Didn't really get to talk, in fact, i think i was kinda dao.. oops. I truly truly take ages to warm up to pple. Can't suddenly switch tht 'warm' button on.
interesting. feels as tho i'm suffering fr. a memory gap... abt those pri school yrs. they're soooo far behind alr !!
which comes to mind tht, wht if many yrs later, i meet u on the street and find u vaguely familiar...
i prob won't reme ur name.. but i'll reme ur niCK!
spent qte some time chatting at macs... really enjoyed myself today. special thx to el for inviting me alg. =)
Gemstar blogged on 4/09/2004 01:05:00 AM
martedì, aprile 06, 2004
i'm bored even tho there are a million things tht i'm supposed 2 be doing. Lemme just chill out for awhile, heh.
new timetable ain't tht gd afterall, was stoning/slacking for 3hrs plus... until sectionals. Me and kel went to support the guyz doing their napfa. was so funnn, lol. Think yk's damn funny la, only did 5 situps!!! cos he didn't do thm properly. realized it's really tough for thm, poor dears. no wonder yk's so pessimistic abt the entire thing. Both keong and josh did pretty well thO. ohz, miss jac lim really has pretty eyes!
Today marks the day of my last NAPFA... hurraY !!! well, finished my 2.4 with an A today! albeit the cramps and blah, was qte scary cos my first few rounds, my palms were acty really cold... felt as tho i was breaking out in cold sweat, cos of the low b.p... Thankful it's over. Qte satisfied, got all As for my other stns cept the inclined thing.. Seems tht this yr's a personal best or smth, *concedes* maybe all those killer pe lessons do help la.
Gemstar blogged on 4/06/2004 09:03:00 PM
lunedì, aprile 05, 2004
WoRld PeaCe
miss congeniality was a RioT! it was my first time watching it, and i truly enjoyed every momment of my show.
so we were singing this in class today =laughs= (eh dears, i found the actual 'lyrics')
u think i'm gorgeouS, u wanna kiss me
u wanna hug me, u wanna love me, u wanna smooch me
u wanna hug me.
and the later part of the show...
u wanna date me
u wanna kiss me... kiss me and marry me
*winks*
the whole controversy abt beauty pageants, abt the stds of our ladies dropping and yadda, i don't see the big deal. it's prob the attitude of the public tht deters the really gorgeous ladies fr gg up there and being subjected to scrutiny, and humiliation. =/ (pity.) hey, if u've got it, flaunt it. At least those girls dared to. Well, tho they really hafta fight agnst being labelled as airheads... because some of thm can't speak to save their lives, heh. Not easy la, give them a break.
=====================================
changed to a chinese song. a laZy sUmmEr's day... sweet memories... tht've faded with time.
tht's the mood i currently am in now.
damn, i don't feel like doing any wrk, i'm procrastinating, as usual.
=====================================
Gemstar blogged on 4/05/2004 09:48:00 PM
venerdì, aprile 02, 2004
RitZ CarlTon
it was a performance which we spent a long time waiting, just popping in and out of the rehearsal venue.
mm. not bad la. got free performances fr. this lil rgps girl and clara's lil bro. so kewt !!! and they're so natural and at ease with being on stage.
Listened in on the SYO... blue danube. They're really gd!!! Felt like doing the waltz to the music. heh... kel, do u know how to??learnt abit for a musical tht rg choir put up, but can't reme the steps already.
yep. my impression of the hotel? it's pretty luxurious. and really GOLDen !. the vip table had gold plates! the ceiling was gilded with gold (paint)...
hmm. and u know wad? i loved the toilets! muaha.. it has this lil sitting area inside it, with really comfy, cushy couches. and yea, the doors to each cubicle looked as tho they were doors to hotel rms ! i'm serious. needless to say, we spent a loooooooooong time there. =lol=
ah well, only disappointing thing was, we didn't get the "buffet" we imagined we wld get. =/ was canteen food la! but it wasn't too bad, tho i cldn't finish mine.
backstage, we had a back view of 1/8th of the screen and we cld see big boss cheng. =) haa. there's this mini stage exit out of the left wing which is semi-covered by the projector screen and we cld see her on tht part of the screen. (we were spying on her w'o her knowledge, lol)
thn there was this momment when the camera focused on the guitar ensemble, and all we cld see were only legs! and we all went "mei2 tui3" @ the same time. damn funny.
after tht went to suntec for supper/dinner. jy started those silly games tht charles had played with us during orientation last year. was really amusing, cos bear was really WOLS. =laughs= always the last 1 left aftr we all figured out. he was almost on the verge of strangling jy and becky la.. think the funniest was the open close one with hs demo-ing it. *grin*
-_- open close? close, open? *o*
reached home close to midnight, mummy wasn't too happy. =/
Gemstar blogged on 4/02/2004 01:44:00 AM
